i haven't stopped singing songs from Inside since the moment i heard them

i probably should have written this in the height of ecstasy (there’s no x in ecstasy? damn) which was my second watch-through of Inside, during which I am pretty sure I felt a kind of pure existential bliss which can only come from realizing that a person you’ve never met has peered inside your soul and plumbed it for artistic value. Is that ecstasy? Maybe that’s that bizarre alchemical combination of fear and joy that comes from being a little too alive. What can I say? It was 6 am. I was really high. I was on an airplane. And I was watching Inside, realizing that I already knew most of the songs but that there were delightful little moments I hadn’t quite registered the first time.

I was, simultaneously, aware that I would never have that exact feeling again and that was, in its own way, unbearable.

So, why should I have written it then? I dunno, I felt like I would have been capable of telling you why it was so good, if you had asked me in that moment. Is it good because I’m a millennial? Because I’m an artist? Because quarantine made me so painfully self-aware that it came all the way back around to wondering if I was real? Well, yeah, obviously, it is all of those.

You should watch it!

Today my therapist reminded me to meditate and all I could think was, “Stunning 8k resolution meditation app, in honor of the revolution it’s half off at the gap!” which, I’m not sure is a good thing, but it did happen.

In other news, I tried to write standup after watching Inside and Isaac told me, “Aya, those aren’t jokes, you’re just saying true things that are also sad.” Maybe I’ll leave it to the experts.

Actually, you’ll be happy to know that I have been writing, the real way and not just bad standup jokes. Well, maybe you’re not happy to know that, but you should be. I know I am. I hope it lasts. Currently, my characters are being the worst people alive, and it’s great!

And before you ask, I did not finish any of the books I set out to read during my last post. The library returned both of them automatically because they were digital, and I wasn’t compelled to re request them even though i had been enjoying both of them. YMMV.

Don’t ask me what I’m reading. I’m afraid if I tell you, I won’t actually finish it.

Oh yeah! I got a haircut! I think I’m me again, so that’s nice.

toodles.